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'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'Fremde, tranger, stranger.
'Glcklich zu sehen
Je suis enchant
'Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay.
'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'lm Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret.'
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs..
..ladies und gentlemen.
Comment a va?
Do you feel good?
lch bin euer Conferencier.
l am your host.
'Und sage:
'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'lm Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret.'
Leave your troubles outside!
So, life is disappointing?
Forget it! ln here..
..life is beautiful.
The girls are beautiful.
Even the orchestra is beautiful.
Beautiful.
And now presenting..
..the Cabaret girls.
Heidi.
Christine.
Mausie.
Helga.
Betty..
..und lnge.
Each and every one a wirgin.
You don't believe me?
Well, do not take my vord for it.
Go ahead.
Ask Helga.
Outside it is vindy..
..but here, it is so hot.
Every night we have za battle
to keep the girls..
..from taking off all their clothing.
So, don't go avay.
Who knows..
..tonight we may lose the battle.
'Glcklich zu sehen
Je suis enchant
'Happy to see you.
'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'lm Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret.'
Und now eine kleine preview
auf unser Programm.
lntroducing the 'Pretzel Woman'!
The juggler, Richard.
The charming singer from America,
Miss Sally Bowles!
The Huber Sisters.
The unique Miss Elke!
Und last but not least, die Spielknaben,
The Toy Boys. Und yours truly..
'Wir sagen:
'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'Fremde, tranger, stranger.'
Hello, stranger.
'Glcklich zu sehen
Je suis enchant
'Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay.
'Wir sagen:
'Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
'lm Cabaret
'Au Cabaret
'To Cabaret.'
Yes?
Good day, miss.
l am looking for Schneider.
Do you speak..?
l am looking for a room.
Mrs. Schneider is not at home.
Have you a cigarette, darling?
l am desperate!
Oh, yes.
-Yes, l think so.
-Oh, fantastic.
You're American.
Oh, God, how depressing.
You're meant to think
l'm an international woman of mystery.
l've been working on it like mad.
l was told there might be
a room to rent, here.
Not too expensive l..
..l hope.
Divine decadence.
-l'm Sally Bowles.
-l'm Brian Roberts.
Come in, Brian darling.
A fine English cigarette.
Oh, God, l've even begun
to think in German.
-How long have you been here?
-Forever.
How long is that?
Almost three months.
lt's the most marvelous boarding house.
Marvelous lodgers.
Everybody's broke, of course,
but who isn't these days?
Now there's Fraulein Mayr,
who is a masseuse..for ladies only.
And there's Fraulein Kost,
who's a terribly sweet streetwalker.
Fraulein Kost, Fraulein Mayr.
Mayr tells Kost's fortune every morning.
lt's always the same.
'You'll meet a strange man,' which, under
the circumstances, is a pretty safe bet.
The toilet.
Fraulein Kost's room.
Oh, you can just imagine.
Here it is, darling.
Well, what else do you need in a bedroom
besides a bed?
Pupils. l've got to give English lessons
to pay the rent.
Well, look, you can use my room for that.
See? Practically a suite. Come on in.
You'll adore these.
Prairie oysters, darling.
lt's an egg with Worcestershire sauce,
all sort of whooshed up together.
Fifty marks with breakfast,
even when l'm behind on the rent.
Divine, isn't it?
-Of course, l'm hardly ever in.
-Why not?
Well, l dash all day
and l work late at the Cabaret.
Now..these work instantly,
even on the most sinister hangovers.
Of course, l may bring a boyfriend home
occasionally, but only occasionally..
..because l do think that one ought
to go to the man's room if one can.
l mean, it doesn't look so much
as if one expected it, does it?
Exactly.
l see you've acquired a lot
of worldly wisdom.
Oh, not wisdom, darling, instincts.
l have ancient instincts.
l have this strange, mystical..
..thatish feeling about you.
So you're moving right in, okay?
Okay.
Prairie oysters?
Cheers.
Peppermint prairie oyster?
Oh, you got the toothpaste glass.
-Meine Damen und Herren.
-Meine Damen und Herren..
..mesdames et messieurs,
ladies und gentlemen.
The Kit Kat Klub..
..a very beautiful young lady.
She is so beautiful..
..and so talented, so..
..charming, l have only yesterday said,
'l vant you for my vife.'
Und she said, 'Your vife,
what would she vant with me?'
l give you that international zensation..
..Fraulein Sally Bowles.
'You have to understand
The way l am, Mein Herr
'A tiger is a tiger
Not a lamb, Mein Herr
'You'll never turn the vinegar
To jam, Mein Herr
'So l do, what l do
When l'm through then l'm through
'And l'm through
Toodle-oo!
'Bye-bye, Mein Lieber Herr.
'Farewell, Mein Lieber Herr.
'lt was a fine affair
But now it's over.
'And though l used to care
l need the open air.
'You're better off without me,
Mein Herr.
'Don't dab your eye, Mein Herr,
Or wonder why, Mein Herr
'l've always said that l was a rover.
'You mustn't knit your brow,
You should have known by now
'You'd every cause to doubt me,
Mein Herr.
'The continent of Europe
ls so wide, Mein Herr.
'Not only up and down
But side to side, Mein Herr.
'l couldn't ever cross it
lf l tried, Mein Herr.
'But l do what l can
'lnch by inch, step by step
'Mile by mile
'Man by man.
'Bye-bye, Mein Lieber Herr.
'Fairwell, Mein Lieber Herr.
'lt was a fine affair,
But now it's over.
'And though l used to care,
l need the open air.
'You're better off without me,
Mein Herr.
'Don't dab your eye, Mein Herr
Or wonder why, Mein Herr
'l've always said that l was a rover
'You mustn't knit your brow,
You should have known by now
'You'd every cause to doubt me,
Mein Herr.
'Bye-bye, Mein Lieber Herr..'
You know, you're really very good.
l know, darling, isn't it fabulous?
Listen, l want you to meet Fritz Wendel,
absolutely my oldest friend in Berlin.
Brian Roberts.
He's a divine playboy,
hurtling from party to party..
..seducing everyone in all directions.
You mustn't believe from Sally.
l'm a most serious man of business.
Making import-export with machineries.
Listen, Fritz is crazy
to improve his English..
..so he can dazzle fat American divorcees.
And l said you might deign
to give him lessons.
Darling, give me one of those cigarettes.
One moment.
Oh, you've got to try one of these.
They're absolutely devastating.
l'm sure they're filled with opium,
or some such thing.
They make me feel wildly sensual.
Till later.
She's hot stuff, yes?
No, thank you.
Oh, you're not mistaking me.
We do not sleep on each other.
That is correct? 'On?'
'With.'
'With.'
Linken Lieselotte..
..72 kilos.
Her father, you know,
is a big ambassador from Washington.
An ambassador?
Oh, yes, dear chap.
And soon, with her, l think,
l am entering the high diplomatic circles.
Strict rules will be obeyed.
Sally tells me, sir, that you're
from Oxford University.
A professor of language.
Well, it's, it's Cambridge,
actually, and l'm..
..l'm still working for
my doctor of philosophy.
That's why l'm here.
But, if you really want lessons,
l'd be pleased to help.
Excellent.
Start!
For the sport!
lf it's not..if it's not too expensive.
You know, business is..
..business is terrible.
The inflation, the Communists..
..the Nazis.
Soon l am with a tin cup, too..
..or l make a rich marriage.
That at least is sensible.
l suppose you're wondering
what l'm doing..
..working in a place like the Kit Kat Klub?
lt is a rather unusual place.
That's me, darling..
unusual places, unusual love affairs.
l am a most strange
and extraordinary person.
Now, tell me all about you.
l want to hear everything.
Everything?
Absolutely everything.
Well, there's nothing very dramatic to tell.
Well, since l've been down
from Cambridge, l--
Lya de Putti.
Absolutely my favorite screen siren.
Well, when l left Cambridge, l--
l'm going to be a great film star.
That is, if booze and sex
don't get me first.
Do l shock you, darling?
Not a bit.
l don't?
Since mother died we're even closer.
He's an ambassador, l understand.
Who told you that?
Fritz Wendel.
Oh, Fritz.
He's practically an ambassador.
Where is he now?
Oh, who knows?
Timbuctoo, outer Mongolia.
He dashes all over the globe
on momentous affairs of state.
Then, you don't see much of him.
Darling, what are you talking about?
Of course l do.
He can't bear us being apart.
He's always swooping down
and carrying me off for divine vacations.
The Riviera, Capri.
Have you ever slept with a dwarf?
Once, but it wasn't a lasting relationship.
Oh, l know l can sing,
but what l really want to be is an actress.
Like..who is it?
Lya de Putti?
Oh, darling, come on.
l could act her right off the screen.
l thought you said she was your favorite.
She makes too many faces.
No, please..
We made an agreement.
Thank you.
Just you wait.
One of these days Max Reinhardt
is gonna drift into the club.
Well, you never know.
That's right, you never know.
lt has happened before.
What, just last week,
a man who's a very good friend..
..of the head of casting for UFA
asked me to sit at his table, and he's..
Come on. Come on.
Run, run!
Where?
Excuse me, miss..
Didn't you just scream?
Does my company upset you that much?
You know, sometimes l come down here
and just wait.
l mean, just especially.
You should try it sometime.
Me?
Yes.
Me?
-You.
-No.
Yes, you.
Go on.
l couldn't possibly.
Don't be so British.
You'll feel terrific afterwards.
You know you want to.
No, l don't.
Here comes one now.
-Will you do it?
-All right.
No, not yet.
Okay, you ready?
Now.
l can't promise you anything,
but we can give it a try.
Darling, l want you to meet Herr Ludwig.
He's just back from Hamburg.
He lives in the room off the kitchen,
and he's a marvelous publisher.
Now look, he's got this book,
and it's got to be translated.
And l told him
what a famous writer you are..
..and it's 50 marks. Right?
Fabulous.
lt's all settled.
lt will be an honor for me
to associate with..
..so talented a young man of letters
as Miss Bowles tells me.
This book, l assure you,
is most artistic..
..most artistic and color--
Twenty-five marks in advance. Right?
l think, Herr Roberts,
you will find the style--
ls there any hot water left?
-Hot water?
-Yes, a little.
l think you will find the style admirable..
..and the subject matter,
l feel, is universal.
-Cigar?
-No, thank you.
No, you must. lt's the finest Havana.
lt's a deal?
Herr Ludwig, l'm afraid that Sally's
rather overestimated my powers of..
lt's a deal.
That's it.
Fifty marks. Not bad, huh?
Do you know what this artistic
and colorful book's about?
No. Tell, tell.
lt's pure pornography.
But of course it is, darling.
All of Herr Ludwig's books are dirty books.
What's this one called?
'Cleo, the Whip Lady.'
You lied about the hot water.
l'm freezing.
l'm freezing to death.
Hug me?
Tighter.
Don't be so literal.
Doesn't my body
drive you wild with desire?
Doesn't it?
lt's a very nice body.
Do you really think so, darling?
lt does have a certain kind of style.
l mean, look, it's very flat here..
..not much hips, and..
..here..
lt's a little early in the day
for this sort of thing, isn't it?
Maybe you just don't sleep with girls.
You don't.
Well, listen, we're practically
living together, so if you only like boys..
..l mean, l wouldn't dream
of pestering you.
Well, do you sleep with girls, or don't you?
You don't ask questions like that.
l do.
All right.
lf you insist.
l do not sleep with girls.
Let me be absolutely accurate.
l've gone through the motions
of sleeping with girls exactly..
..three times.
All of them disastrous.
The word for my sex life now is..
..'nil,' or..
..as you Americans would say..
..'plenty of nuttin''!
All right?
Why didn't you tell me in the first place?
Look, Brian.
You're absolutely my best friend.
And friends are much harder to find
than lovers.
Besides, sex always screws up
a friendship, anyway, if you let it.
So we won't let it.
Okay, Sally.
'You would have been,
he would have been..'
Pluperfect tense.
'l have been..'
lf you did a little homework,
instead of gadding about all over town..
Fraulein Schneider,
there's a new pupil coming at 3:00.
-Would you show her up, please?
-Certainly.
'You had have been, l had have been..'
Future perfect.
'l shall have..'
'l shall have been.' This English.
l go now to try to pull a deal.
Or l make business soon..
..or l go as a gigolo.
'Either, or.'
'Either, or,' l go as a gigolo.
Anyway, who is the new pupil?
Natalia Landauer.
Landauer?
Of the big department store?
A Landauer?
How did you meet a Landauer?
l had a letter of introduction
from England.
They invited me for coffee.
lnvited you for coffee?
Landauers are enormous rich Jews.
Stinking rich, it seems.
Good.
l shall make a pass after her.
What if she's..fat and hideous?
Perhaps the father will take
a liking from me and give me a job.
lf l marry her, a partnership perhaps.
l'm not prejudiced.
Hello.
You said you wouldn't be back until 4:00.
l must have a drink this instant.
The new pupil's due at any moment.
Can't the drink wait?
Oh, God, only gin.
Sally, please!
Three marks an hour. l need it.
-We need it.
-All l need is a drink!
She's young and very strictly brought up.
Look, l may have my tiny faults..
..but l'm really not planning
to white slave her to Latin America.
Whose room is this, anyhow?
Sally, in all fairness--
Fairness? Who cares about fairness?
Honestly.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
-Excuse me.
-How fat?
How fat?
l think the weather will be fine,
isn't it true, Miss Landauer?
Fraulein Landauer.
Come in.
-Good afternoon, Fraulein Landauer.
-Good afternoon.
-How nice to see you again.
-lt's nice to see you again.
lt is good, you have others.
So, we shall make a party
for speaking English, yes?
Well, actually, my friends
were just leaving.
No, l'm delighted to stay, Brian.
Sally, you have this appointment,
don't you?
l'll cancel it. l love parties.
Good, this is splendid for the practicing.
You will introduce me, please.
Yes, of course.
Herr Wendel, Fraulein Landauer.
-lt is a pleasure, miss.
-No, no, English conversation.
l am so charmed, dearest miss.
And..and this..
..this is Miss Sally Bowles.
How do you do?
Bobby, a Landauer in my house.
Last summer when l..
You are all healthy, l hope.
l have had a cold, but it is better now.
Good.
How sad.
A cold from the nose is most aggravating.
This was a cold of the bosom,
not of the nose.
All the plegm vas here.
All the what?
Ze plegm..zat comes in the tubes.
l think l'm gonna be sick.
Phlegm. 'Ph' is always pronounced
as 'f', and..
..you don't sound..the 'g.'
Then why are they putting the 'g',
please?
That's a very good question, but..
..it's rather difficult to explain.
Try, Brian.
lt's just there.
So, Mr. Professor, you do not know?
No.
Then l'm sorry, l cannot help you.
lt's most amusing.
Very amusing.
Come in.
How thoughtful of you,
Fraulein Schneider.
Thank you very much.
You're most welcome, Herr Roberts.
Please.
Please, you must take a cake,
dearest miss.
l'm not eating between meals.
You're not eating between meals.
l am eating between meals.
Thank you.
So much.
You're welcome.
Brian, Liebling, did l tell you?
l saw a film the other day about syphilis.
lt was too awful.
l couldn't let a man touch me for a week.
Coffee?
ls it true you can get it from kissing?
Oh, yes.
And your king, Henry Vlll..
..caught it from letting Cardinal Wolsey
whisper in his ear.
That is not, l think, founded in fact.
But from kissing, most decidedly.
And from towels..and from cups.
And, of course, screwing.
'Screwing,' please?
Fornication.
Fornication?
Brian, darling, what is the German word?
l don't remember.
-Oh, yes..
-Oh, no.
Bumsen.
lt would be the one German word
you pronounce perfectly.
Well, l ought to.
l spent the entire afternoon bumsening..
..like mad with
some ghastly old producer..
..who promised to give me a contract.
Gin, Miss Landauer?
Fritz is overdoing it a bit, isn't he?
Natalia's very rich. Fritz is very broke.
That old heel-clicking,
hand-kissing routine of his..
..isn't going to get him
anywhere with her.
The only thing to do with virgins
is to make a ferocious pounce.
l can't imagine anyone
pouncing on Natalia.
That's why it would be
so effective, darling.
You are a woman
of many sexual experiences, l think.
l'll say, darling. Ever since l was so high,
men have found me irresistible.
-Daddy was always worrying that..
-Yes?
You know.
How's the gigolo campaign going?
Terrible.
This week, already l'm giving up
three dinner invitations..
..to spend 32 marks on her.
That's quite a sacrifice.
And here is the craziness.
l like it.
Goddammit!
What?
l think l'm falling in love with her.
l'm so sorry.
So am l.
You assure me the English reader
will find this..
..arousing..stimulating?
Well, l..
Yes, l..l should think so.
Look, everybody.
Positively a nun's hands, aren't they?
-You look lovely, Sally.
-Just lovely.
Thank you. Well, l'm off to the Adlon..
..to see my sexy..
..marvelous, devastating father.
-Auf wiedersehen, my darlings.
-Auf wiedersehen.
Good luck.
l'm terribly sorry, but l couldn't
possibly find any more of them.
Good night, and thank you so much
for a delightful evening.
You're most welcome, Herr Roberts.
-Good night.
-Good night.
lt really has been..sublime.
Thank you.
Dearest miss.
You see how she is with me?
You see that kiss? You see that kiss?
No, l..l was too discreet to look back.
l think l go..
l go crazy with the frustration.
You know, l..l kiss and inside me
comes the explosion. But her?
Brian, l tell you a simple fact..
-..and l'm not boosting.
-'Boasting.'
The French women, the Swedish women,
even the English..
..they go wild for my kisses, but..
..this one..
Nothing?
Nothing.
And l'm a crazy, love-sick fool.
Sally says you ought to pounce.
Pounce?
Throw her on a couch or something.
To attack Natalia?
lmpossible.
Well, Sally is rather knowledgeable
in these areas.
You do what Sally says and you end up,
l think, in the prison cell.
-Pounce, huh?
-Pounce.
How'd it go?
Bad?
Sally, what is it?
l waited at the Adlon till 10:00.
When l got back, there was this.
'Dear Sally:
'Sorry, schedule revised at last minute.
'Writing. Love.'
Well, these..these things do happen.
l'm sure he had a good reason.
Ten words. Exactly.
After ten it's extra.
You see, Daddy thinks of these things.
lf l had leprosy, there'd be a cable.
'Gee, kid, tough.
'Sincerely hope..nose doesn't fall off.
'Love.'
Bastard!
l'll show him!
l'll become a big film star.
The poor man, he tries to love me.
Perhaps he even thinks he does..
..but the real truth..
..is that he just doesn't care.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe l'm not worth caring about.
Maybe l am..just nothing. Nothing.
You're a perfectly marvelous girl.
-And beautiful.
-No.
-And talented.
-No, l'm not.
Yes, you are.
Do you really think so?
l mean really?
Yes, l do.
Thank you.
'Maybe this time, l'll be lucky
'Maybe this time, he'll stay.'
Obviously those three girls..
..were just the wrong three girls.
'Maybe this time, for the first time
'Love won't hurry away.'
Doesn't my body
drive you wild with desire?
'He will hold me fast
'l'll be home at last
'Not a loser anymore
'Like the last time
And the time before.
'Everybody loves a winner
'So nobody loves me.
'Lady peaceful,
Lady happy
'That's what l long to be.
'Well, all the odds are
They're in my favor
'Something's bound to begin.
'lt's gotta happen,
Happen sometime
'Maybe this time, l'll win.
'Cause everybody, they love a winner
'So nobody loves me.
'Lady peaceful,
Lady happy
'That's what l long to be.
'Well, all the odds are
They're in my favor
'Something's bound to begin.
'lt's gotta happen,
Happen sometime
'Maybe this time
'Maybe this time, l'll win.'
Hey, what's going on?
Tell him your lover
is a gangster from Chicago.
-You told him?
-l did better than that.
l just told him that l had
the teeniest touch of syphilis.
Wait till he gets a load
of what little old Elke's got.
-Landauer?
-Ja.
l am grateful to you
that you came to me from my call.
Don't be silly. l'm all agog.
Thank you.
-You will eat food, please?
-Thank you.
-You see, Fraulein..
-Sally.
Our acquaintance is not long,
but l am choosing you..
..because l know
no other young woman..
..who is giving her body
frequently to men.
My English.
l am rending you an embarrassment?
No, no, l'm fascinated.
Fritz Wendel has declared love for me.
At first l not taking this seriously.
He is so..
..so formal. And also l think so much..
..the gigolo who hunts for the fortune.
ls that what you say?
That's what we say, all right.
Then..
..the night before yesterday..
..my parents are from the house..
..und we are seated here..
..upon my father's library sofa.
Suddenly..
..he throws aside the formalities..
-..there is fire, there is passion.
-Oh, my God..
-..he pounced!
-Please?
He made love to you.
On my father's library sofa.
Und even for that
he is showing no respect.
l am fighting,
l'm calling out harsh words..
..but then..
May we not be frank?
Suddenly..
..all is..equal fire..
..equal passion in me.
And since then, l think only of him.
Now, is this love..
..or mere fatuation of the body?
You with so many, as you call,
'screwings'..
..shall please tell me the truth of it.
Please.
Does it really matter,
as long as you're having fun?
How can you speak of 'fun'?
He has asked me to marry him.
Well, that's wonderful. Why don't you?
And say to my father that l am marrying
a man who is perhaps a fortune hunter?
And a Christian, too.
Oh, this l think is..breaking his heart.
Well, in that case then, l guess
you better just forget the whole thing.
Forget Fritz?
How am l ever forgetting Fritz?
Look, l really have to be running along.
Don't cry.
Oh, please, don't cry.
l'm no good at all if anybody cries.
Natalia, about Fritz pouncing..
..you see, l thought..
l didn't think..
How shall so grave a problem
resolve itself?
Poor thing.
You can't marry him.
You can't give him up.
l don't suppose you'd ever consider
seeing him on the sly, every now..
No, l didn't think so.
My God, it's enough
to drive a girl into a convent.
Do they have Jewish nuns?
-Good day.
-Good day.
Please..can you wash..?
-Excuse me, miss, l think you lost this.
-What?
-l think you dropped this.
-Yes, thank you.
Can you wash my clothes..
..Monday, Tuesday?
l'm sorry, l don't understand you.
Excuse me, may l help you?
l want my laundry back by Tuesday.
The young lady would like
her laundry back by Tuesday.
l understand.
lt's okay.
Thank you so much.
Maximilian von Heune.
Sally Bowles.
Do you have a cigarette?
l'm absolutely desperate.
l must have left mine at the club.
The Kit Kat Klub.
Divine decadence.
May l drop you somewhere?
l have my car outside.
All right.
-Auf wiedersehen.
-Auf wiedersehen, darling.
Money.
Money.
'Money makes the world go around
'The world go around
The world go around.
'Money makes the world go around
lt makes the world go round.
'A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
A buck or a pound
'A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
ls all that makes the world go around.
'That clinking, clanking sound
Could make the world go round.
'Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
'Money, money, money, money
'Money, money, money, money
'lf you happen to be rich and you feel
Like a night entertainment
'You can pay for a gay escapade.
lf you happen to be rich and alone
'And you need a companion
You can ring
'For the maid.
lf you happen to be rich
'And you find you are left by your lover
'And you moan and you groan quite a lot
'You can take it on the chin
Call a cab und begin to recover
'On your 14-carat yacht.'
What?
'Money makes the world go around
'The world go around
The world go around.
'Money makes the..go around
Of that we both are sure
'On being poor.
'Money, money, money
Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
Money, money, money
'Money, money, money
Money, money, money
'Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
'Money, money, money, money
'When you haven't any coal in the stove
And you freeze in the winter
'And you curse to the wind
At your fate.
'When you haven't any shoes
On your feet
'Your coat's thin as paper
And you look 30 pounds underweight.
'When you go to get a word
Of advice from the fat little pastor
'He will tell you to love evermore.
'But when hunger comes to rap
Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat at the window
-At the window.
-Who's there?
-Hunger.
-Oh, hunger!
'See how love flies out the door.
'Money makes the world go around
The world go around, the world.
'Money makes the world go around
The clinking, clanking sound.
'Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
'Get a little, get a little
Money, money, money, money
'A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
That clinking, clanking, clunking sound
'ls all that makes the world go round
lt makes the world go round.'
lt's called Trkenblut.
'Turk's blood.' A famous German drink.
lt's divine. l'll never drink anything else.
Prost, my friend.
Prost.
Well, mes enfants,
you are like me, adrift in Berlin.
l think it's my duty to corrupt you.
Agreed?
Fascinating.
Let's go to the Kempinsky.
Darling, he's a baron.
He never even told me.
Class!
He must know everybody.
l betcha a man like that
could get me into films..
..faster than you can say
Eric von Stroheim.
ln exchange for a little infidelity.
A little infidelity? ldiot!
Don't worry, l can handle him.
Trust me. Just trust me, darling.
All right, don't trust me.
l had a marvelous time last night.
So did l.
Darling.
Darling.
Bri, darling, wake up.
We have a visitor. Maximilian's here.
Please, what time is it?
-Three thirty.
-l'm sorry, Brian, we're late.
Oh, darling,
we had the most glorious time.
-We didn't stop laughing.
-Don't open your eyes.
Don't look! Okay.
lsn't it fabulous?
l feel just like Kay Francis.
Bri, why didn't you come?
We had the best time, and so much fun.
-Max really knows how to corrupt a girl.
-l try.
Not only did l get this glorious pelt,
l got perfume, l got silk stockings..
And you got that funny little blue hat.
You call it funny.
l think it's divine. l love it.
Oh, God, we didn't get anything for Brian.
l'm afraid l had no time
to have it wrapped.
Darling, isn't that beautiful?
What on earth makes you think
l'd accept that?
-To give me pleasure.
-Max loves buying things.
Brian, you're a man of strong convictions.
Can we have caviar again?
But, you had it for breakfast.
Can l have it for lunch?
For lunch, for dinner, breakfast again--
Anything you want.
Drei Caviar, bitte!
That's for me. What are you having?
Oh, you should have been there.
The Nazis are just a gang of stupid
hooligans, but they do serve a purpose.
Let them get rid of the Communists.
Later we'll be able to control them.
-But who exactly is 'we'?
-Germany, of course.
Hey, Max, can we go to the Bristol Bar?
-Why not?
-Oh, wonderful.
l'm dying to show off my new coat.
l think l could do with a drink, too.
Good. We'll make a night of it.
Or, why not a weekend?
Berlin makes strange bedfellows
these days.
Some people have one people..
..some have two.
Some even..
'Two ladies
'Two ladies
'Und l'm the only man, ja.
'l like it.
'They like it.
'This two for one.
'Two ladies
'Two ladies
-Und he's the only man.
-Ja.
'l like it.
'We like it.
'This two for one.
'l do the cooking.
'l make the beds.
'l go out daily to earn our daily bread.
'But we've one thing in common.
'He
-She
-Und me
'The key
'The key
'The key
'Two ladies.
-Und he's the only man.
-Ja!
'We switch partners daily
To play as we please.
-Twosies beats onesies
-But nothing beats threes.
'l sleep in the middle.
-l'm left.
-Und l'm right.
'But there's room on the bottom
lf you drop in some night.
'Und l'm the only man, ja.
'l like it.
'They like it.
'This two for one.'
-What'd he say?
-He's asking about his asthma.
Miss Bowles, in mother's room, l thought.
-Mr. Roberts, in the blue room.
-Yes, Mr. Baron.
The master says in case you have
nothing to change into..
..he asked me to bring you these.
Thanks.
Come in.
No, no, help yourself. Please.
l'm not quite sure,
but l think they're mine.
This used to be my room
before l was married.
Looks familiar.
You can at least get out of that shirt.
Try this one. Blue should be your color.
Brian, not even a sweater?
Are you still married?
Very much so.
-Where is your wife, now?
-ln Cologne.
For the culture.
She lends her support to the arts.
She in her way, l in mine.
We have quite a special understanding.
That must be useful at times.
What about these?
l was right. Blue is your color.
We thought you deserted us
permanently, Max.
My dear Stephanie,
l would never desert you.
l find it very interesting.
Your father must be
a very important man, Miss Bowles.
Oh, l'll say, darling.
He's practically an ambassador.
We have the most
marvelous relationship..
lnstant he can tear himself away,
he dashes to wherever l am.
Oh, it's excellent, excellent.
But the food here is always good.
Excuse me, but didn't we meet
with Emil Jannings at UFA last winter?
l don't--
You do know Emil, don't you?
l find him trs amusant.
Money.
Be careful!
Clara Bow.
-That's not Clara Bow.
-lt's early Clara Bow.
Wait, l got one. l got one.
Late Sally Bowles.
Yes, it is.
You two are marvelous.
Have you ever been to Africa?
-Where, mein Schatz?
-Africa.
Let's go, the three of us.
Smile Brian.
-Sally, you're really talented.
-What?
You're talented.
He wants to take us to Africa.
He must be insane.
More! Come on, please. More!
More, more, more! Please!
-That's all.
-More!
More, please!
More!
-Come on, Max.
-No, no. No.
Oh, please?
Oh, bravo, bravo.
The king of the jungle.
What's the matter? You all right?
You okay?
Mombasa's quite wonderful, really.
l mean, the way ports are
all over the world.
Sounds absolutely exotic.
All the way through Tanganyika.
Sure?
Sally, champagne?
Every now and then the train stops
in the middle of nowhere..
..and right there is a family of giraffes,
nibbling the trees..
..or a herd of zebra,
galloping off in a cloud of dust.
And when the flamingos come in,
thousands and thousands of them..
..turning the whole sky pink..
You'll be amazed when you see it.
Hey! Hey, Sally.
Are you quite comfortable?
Come on.
Sally is an endearing child.
But l must admit l find it peaceful
when she's taking her nap.
To Africa.
To Africa.
'The sun on the meadow
ls summery warm
'The stag in the forest runs free
'But gather together to greet the storm
'Tomorrow belongs to me.
'The branch of the linden
ls leafy and green
'The Rhine gives its gold to the sea
'But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
'Tomorrow belongs to me.
'The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes
'The blossom embraces the bee
''But soon', says a whisper, 'arise, arise
''Tomorrow belongs to me.'
'Fatherland, fatherland, show us the sign
'Your children have waited to see.
'The morning will come
When the world is mine
'Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs
'Tomorrow belongs to me.
'Fatherland, fatherland, show us the sign
'Your children have waited to see.
'The morning will come
When the world is mine
'Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs
'Tomorrow belongs to me.
'Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs
'Tomorrow belongs to me.'
Do you still think you can control them?
Natalia.
Fritz, you frightened me.
l'm sorry, but l must speak to you.
No, go away. Please go away.
l told you not to come.
Natalia, please.
The situation is impossible.
We must not see each other anymore.
ls it the money? ls it that?
l did think it was the money, at first.
But not now.
Now l know that you love me.
l know you are an honest man..
..who would never lie to me.
Natalia, l beg of you, marry me.
l can't.
ls it your parents? lsn't it?
lt's not my parents. lt is me.
lt is you, too.
Fritz, be careful!
What am l doing?
l've never jumped
on a running board before.
Are you all right?
Why won't you marry me?
Don't you see what is happening
in Germany today?
l'm a Jew.
You are not.
Goodbye, dear Fritz.
You, drive.
There is somebody in the way, sir.
Just drive on, idiot!
l told Schneider we'd be gone
for at least two months, maybe more.
She cried and cried
and said she'd miss us.
l think the only reason she was crying,
though, was because she knew..
..she can't get 50 marks a month
from anybody else..
..for this pitiful little room.
You know:
'Money makes the world go around.'
Where've you been?
l've been packing for hours.
Have some champagne, darling.
Compliments of Max.
Oh, your laundry came back.
lt's there on the bed.
You know Bri, it occurred to me..
l know l've handled Max brilliantly..
Enough of the African moon.
l mean, it would be funny, wouldn't it,
if he asked me to become..
..the next Baroness von Heune
und Regensburg?
l've been looking for that for months.
l mean, stranger things have happened.
l wouldn't dream of accepting him,
of course.
For God's sake,
l wish you could hear yourself sometimes.
l mean, really hear yourself!
Christ!
Aren't you ever gonna stop
deluding yourself?
'Handling Max!'
Behaving like some ludicrous, little,
underage femme fatale!
You're about as 'fatale'
as an after-dinner mint.
Darling, we all know..
..about your vast experiences
with les femmes..
..fatales, or otherwise.
Why don't you just come out with it?
You can't stand Maximilian
because he's everything you're not!
He doesn't have to give English lessons
for three marks an hour.
He's rich!
And he knows about life.
He doesn't read about it in books!
He's suave..
..and he's divinely sexy..
..and he really appreciates a woman.
Oh, screw Maximilian!
l do.
So do l.
You two bastards!
Two?
Two?!
Shouldn't that be three?
Help us with our order..
l think your paper and your party
are pure crap, sir!
What did you say?
l said: That's a lot of crap!
And so are you!
He's a foreigner.
l hear you took on
the entire Nazi party single-handed.
Only two?
Sounds like..cigarette?
Feel up to a little surprise?
Poor thing, you're blind.
'Dear Sally and Bri..'
ln that order, please note.
'l know you will forgive me,
but family affairs make it imperative..
'..for me to leave
for Argentina, immediately.
'lt was fun, wasn't it?'
Signed: 'Maximilian.'
Argentina, my ass.
He also sent this.
Three hundred marks.
For the two of us.
A hundred and fifty each.
Let's see, on an hour-to-hour basis..
..that puts us on a par with Fraulein Kost.
Some gold diggers, aren't we?
Oh, Brian, l'm so sorry.
Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew.
Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew.
Anything the matter?
What is it? What's happened?
Goddammit, l'm gonna have a baby!
Well, aren't you gonna ask?
All right.
-Whose is it?
-l don't know.
l really don't know.
-What are you going to do?
-Obviously, l can't have it.
The doctor l went to said he'll do it.
But it's expensive. He has to..
..bribe somebody or other
for some kind of..
..a certificate or something.
Oh, l don't know.
Well..
..there goes my fur coat.
l would like to marry you.
-Okay, a touch of toothpaste.
-Naturally.
A lot of gin.
All whooshed up together.
With this spiked prairie oyster,
l thee wed.
To the future.
With any luck,
l'll get a fellowship at King's.
Oh, dear, what's that?
My college at Cambridge.
-You'll absolutely love it there.
-l know l will.
-lt's crazy.
-Who?
Me. Wanting to be an actress.
l guess babies love you automatically,
don't they?
They don't have much of a choice.
-To you and the baby.
-To me and the baby.
Probably is yours.
But l don't suppose
we'll ever know for sure.
So what?
You sure you don't mind?
Honestly?
Honestly.
Oh, Bri..
-To me and the baby.
-To you and the baby.
To you. You.
Me? To me.
And the baby.
-Oh, where are you going?
-l'll be right back.
You are a most strange
and extraordinary person.
l know, l know.
The proud father.
Good lord, Fritz.
You're on time. l can't believe it.
How's Natalia?
Please, l do not speak of Natalia.
As bad as that?
Bad.
Perhaps l cut myself at the throat.
Prepositions, Fritz, prepositions.
'ln the throat?'
No, just 'cut my throat.'
lf all the Jews are bankers,
then how can they be Communists, too?
Subtle..
..very subtle, Fraulein Kost.
lf they can't destroy us one way..
..they try the other.
You don't really believe that, do you?
But you read it every day
in the Volkischer Beobachter.
That ridiculous Nazi tripe!
lt is an established fact, Herr Roberts..
..that there exists a well-organized
international conspiracy..
..of Jewish bankers and Communists.
lt's also an established fact,
that there exists..
..another well-organized group,
of which you're obviously a member.
The lnternational Conspiracy
of Horses' Asses.
l wish the Kaiser was back.
ln those days we had order.
l expect Schneider will raise my rent
after that little exhibition.
Oh, well, what the hell.
Let's get on with these prepositions.
What a black day l'm meeting that girl!
l..l thought you loved her.
Love, love,
who's needing verdammtes love?
You want to hear the big joke on me?
You want to hear it?
l am a Jew.
So?
To be a Jew in Germany?
Only a fool is this, l think.
So..
..l come to Berlin and l'm not a Jew.
How did you manage that?
Where it says on my papers 'religion'..
..l am writing..'Protestant.'
So, the work comes.
The friends come.
The parties come.
Parties.
Whoever dreams
that l shall fall in love with a Jewish girl?
But surely that solves your problem.
-All you've got to do is tell her--
-Do you understand nothing?
This girl!
Do you know what she has done to me?
lt's terrible!
She has turned me into an honest man.
'Oh, you're good,' she says.
'A man of integrity,
who will never lie to me.'
What does she do if l tell her now?
l tell you what she does,
if l tell her now.
She kicks me out into the streets.
Don't be silly! She'd understand.
Anyway, what have you got to lose?
What do l lose?
She kicks me out into the streets.
All my friends hear l'm a Jew,
they kick me out into the streets.
And then, l think, comes a big Nazi
with a club and bangs me on the head.
Fritz, l really think
you're underestimating Natalia.
What am l doing?
l don't like whiskey.
Look, just tell her.
No, l can't, l can't.
What a coward am l.
'l know what you're thinking.
'You wonder why l chose her
'Out of all the ladies in the world.
'lt's just a first impression.
'What good's a first impression?
'lf you knew her like l do
'lt would change your point of view.
'lf you could see her through my eyes
'You wouldn't wonder at all.
'lf you could see her through my eyes
'l guarantee you would fall like l did.
'When we're in public together
'l hear society moan
'But if they could see her through my eyes
'Maybe they'd leave us alone.
'How can l speak of her virtues
'l don't know where to begin.
'She's clever,
She's smart
'She reads music.
'She doesn't smoke or drink gin like l do
'Yet when we're walking together
'They sneer if l'm holding her hand
'But if they could see her through my eyes
'Maybe they'd all understand.
'Why don't they leave us alone?'
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs..
..ladies und gentlemen..
..l ask you..
..is it a crime to fall in love?
Can one ever choose
where the heart leads us?
All we ask is that you understand.
A little understanding.
Why can't the world live and let live?
Live und let live.
'Oh, l understand your objection
'l grant you the problem's not small
'But if you could see her
'Through my eyes
'She wouldn't look Jewish at all.'
l'm a Jew.
Brian, anything wrong?
Lazy that's all.
That's all?
That's all.
Look what l found.
See?
We must be lucky.
Will you still love me
when l'm blown up like a balloon?
Will my body drive you
wild with desire?
Sure. Why not?
Oh, Bri, it's fantastic, isn't it?
Just think:
Your life and my life..
..solved in one fell swoop.
And all by the baby!
l guess it's just about the most significant
baby the world has ever known..
..since Jesus.
lt'll be a most strange
and extraordinary baby, won't it?
Good morning, darling.
Darling, would you mind seeing
if there's a bit of brandy left?
Put an egg in it,
and we'll call it breakfast.
l suppose you wonder
what on earth happened to me?
l'm afraid we made a night of it.
Where's your fur coat?
You did it, didn't you?
Did what, darling?
The abortion.
ln God's name..
..why?
One of my whims?
ls that all you can say?
'One of my whims?'
What right..?
lf you wanna hit me,
why don't you just hit me?
But you wanted it.
Didn't you?
Me and the baby.
l suppose Max Reinhardt
did show up at the club.
Or was it a friend of a friend
of a friend of..
..an assistant director who said he'd
try to squeeze you into the chorus line?
That is, of course, if you..
..if you went to bed with him.
-You think that?
-Yes.
Well then, it's just as well, isn't it?
For you, for everyone.
And, darling, would you be an angel
and just let me get some sleep?
Tell me why you did it.
What is there to say?
You've said it all in one way or another.
Sally, please.
l have to know.
Okay.
l'm self-centered, inconsiderate..
..and what was the third adjective?
Oh, yes.
And l have this infantile fantasy..
..that one day l'll amount
to something as an actress.
A dinky little cottage in Cambridge?
A playpen in the bedroom,
diapers on the towel rack..
How soon would it be
before we started hating each other?
How soon would it be before
l started dashing out..
..disgracing myself at some nearest pub?
And how soon would it be before..?
Before?
Say it.
Go on!
You might as well, now.
Forget it.
Just forget it.
l see.
l really do love you.
Yes. Yes, l think..
..l think you do love me.
You..you all right?
ls there anything l can..
..do for you?
l just think l should sleep a little while.
Oh, shit!
Magazines?
No.
lt's a long trip.
Chocolate?
No.
-We seem to be here.
-Yes.
l'd love to come down
on the platform with you..
..and wave a tiny,
white handkerchief etcetera..
..but there is that interview.
lt may not amount to anything..
..but you never know.
Shocking.
l'll see you.
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs..
..ladies und gentlemen..
..l give you that international zensation..
..Fraulein Sally Bowles.
'What good is sitting alone in your room?
'Come hear the music play
'Life is a cabaret, old chum
'Come to the cabaret.
'Put down the knitting
The book and the broom
'lt's time for a holiday
'Life is a cabaret, old chum
'Come to the cabaret.
'Come taste the wine
'Come hear the band
'Come blow your horn
Start celebrating
'Right this way, your table's waiting.
'What good's permitting
Some prophet of doom
'To wipe every smile away
'Life is a cabaret, old chum
'So, come to the cabaret!
'l used to have a girlfriend
Known as Elsie.
'With whom l shared
Four sordid rooms in Chelsea.
'She wasn't what you'd call
A blushing flower
'As a matter of fact
She rented by the hour.
'The day she died
The neighbors came to snicker.
'Well, that's what comes
Of too much pills and liquor.
'But when l saw her
Laid out like a queen
'She was the happiest corpse
l'd ever seen.
'l think of Elsie to this very day
'l remember how
She'd turn to me and say
'What good is sitting
All alone in your room?
'Come hear the music play
'Life is a cabaret, old chum
'Come to the cabaret!
'And as for me
'And as for me
'l made my mind up
Back in Chelsea
'When l go
'l'm goin' like Elsie
'Start by admitting
'From cradle to tomb
'lt isn't that long a stay
'Life is a cabaret, old chum
'lt's only a cabaret, old chum
'And l love a cabaret.'
Meine Damen und Herren,
mesdames et messieurs..
..ladies and gentlemen.
Where are your troubles now?
Forgotten? l told you so.
We have no troubles, here.
Here, life is beautiful.
The girls are beautiful.
Even the orchestra is beautiful.

Uncle Meat - continuity transcript by Frank Zappa - hosted by: FZ Lyrics - in html format
Uncle Meat, who sometimes goes under the guises of Don Preston and Biff Debris, is an eccentric character who believs in musical progress and enjoys drinking fuming beakers and transforming into a monster. After seeing footage of him (as Don) transforming in this way while fighting for musical progress, film editor Phyllis Altenhaus meets him in person and falls in love. Later the two meet again at a pool hall under the guises of Biff Debris and Sheba Flieshman and they share a kinky shower scene together where they indulge each other's fetishes of clothes and hamburgers and declare their mutual love. Meanwhile, Uncle Meat and his band are secretly working on a hit single (made up of household items carefully arranged on a cloth) which they hope will change the world for the better by improving everyone's karma. However, no matter what he does, he can't seem to compose a hit and eventually, after he and Sheba have been married for over twelve years, his obsession with composing a single drives her to the brink and Uncle Meat must choose between his music and the woman he loves.
Information courtesy of imdb